I don't know anymore...

I am grounded which is why I haven't posted for a while. Anyhow I feel
like a failure.
I am not
good
enough.
I had let these thoughts get to me
alternating sweet insults in my head.
I let the ricocheting thoughts
pelt my mind, with it's soft feathery weakness.

I stood proudly as I was, the floor swimming under me, an ocean
I swam in gladly counting downwards
toward GW 1.

I persuaded and disuaded myself from that kind of life, that flavor of desire
The kind that still riddles cacophanies in my cortex.

I wish that I could vanish
relieve my insides of the terrible weightiness
that constantly surrounds me.

The trees are terribly taunting, aren't they? Always reaching up endlessly
dream dream dreaming away.
I used to be them. I used to tickle at my mind with little 'what if's
I used to breathe.

I'm searching for that now. a little puff of air that
(could someone lend me some?)
might bring me back to flightlessness. Back to the feeling of OK

back to the place built of sparkles and tightwires
Does it even exist anymore?

I've missed you all very much. I am miraculously online now (I'm grounded) and I hope to sneak on and write to you all again soon.
xxx
Ever