Now then.

A whole lot of cleaning up and securing of my account.

I hope whoever was here having a BLAST doesn't expect to get in again anytime soon.

And anyone who subscribed to the most recent "posts"


Might want to pack up and head out of my blog.


Baby I'm back for good.

Xxx

Ever

Adjusting

I'm working up to the ultimate update post.

I've accumulated a few fears regarding who reads this.

But I know whoever remains here is trustworthy.

On another note, can anyone active make yourselves known? I'm trying to clean house... so many blogs I loved have gone inactive. I can only hope that it means they are all doing well and truly living as I have been.

There's no more sadness in my heart. Not that it's gone, but that it isn't the crushing emptiness that it once was. I'm here, breathing in ways I never thought that I would again. And if I leave again (though I dont plan to), know this:

I'm here.

I'm living.

I'm happy.

"I don't know if I will have the time to write anymore letters because I might be too busy trying to participate. So if this does end up being the last letter I just want you to know that I was in a bad place before I started high school and you helped me. Even if you didn't know what I was talking about or know someone who has gone through it, you made me not feel alone. Because I know there are people who say all these things don't happen. And there are people who forget what it's like to be 16 when they turn 17. I know these will all be stories someday. And our pictures will become old photographs. We'll all become somebody's mom or dad. But right now these moments are not stories. This is happening, I am here and I am looking at her. And she is so beautiful. I can see it. This one moment when you know you're not a sad story. You are alive, and you stand up and see the lights on the buildings and everything that makes you wonder. And you're listening to that song and that drive with the people you love most in this world. And in this moment I swear, we are infinite."

Update

Hello all!

Just thought I'd stop in and do some updating. Things have been very very crazy for the last few months. But I suppose what I'd really like to tell you is that I won an award at my college! I won first place, actually and $250. I got to read my poems at the ceremony and my amazing creative writing teaser was so proud of me. It was so amazing.
Anyhow, just thought I'd share that with you. If you would like to look at the winning poems they're on http://rougerivervreview.com/. Oh and my name on there is Elizabeth Roberts.
Be sure to look at the other works, they're lovely as well.

Xxx
Ever

Update

"I have fallen a long way..." -Sylvia Plath

Dear Followers (or whoever is left here listening),
     I feel so lost. Leaving high school was good for me, I know it was. I felt so trapped there. and so alone. For a while I thought that simply being free from there would make everyting better. But it hasn't.
     Being in and then out of high school is much like being a balloon. You're held down, but you long to fly, so you're cut loose. But once you take flight you realize that you don't have control of anything; no wings. You free fly upwards and you don't know where you're heading.

I wish I could find the ground again...

 

I have a boyfriend now. A boy I used to write poems about. I have loved him for almost two/three years and now we've been together since September. I lost my virginity to him.

 

But it's not perfect. Of course, what is? We make each other happy, for the most part. But alone. away from each other, our own demons set in. I don't have anyone else anymore. My best friend now spends every waking moment outside work with her boyfriend. They bought each other best friend necklaces. I haven't seen her in a month.

 

 

 My other friends are A. Nuts B. frustrating as hell and C. away at college.

 

 Meanwhile, I'm at Community College. Alone.

 

It just hits me sometimes, like tonight,

 

How alone I am.

 

And nothing,

 

Nobody,

Can save me from that.





Shedding Gravity

(I wrote this a few months ago and performed it in a slam for my poetry class. It was inspired here in all of your blogs so I feel I should share it, I just didn't have the courage until now... So here it is <3)

Shedding Gravity

We begin as whispers,
Keyboard klick- klacks in midnight dress,
Floating through a nowhere-land of status,
And judgments.
We aren’t aiming for anything but survival.

As I stand in the mirror,
They are the fleeting thought that,
“I’m not good enough.”And we take that in as a part of ourselves.
Black branches against a yellowed sky
Thinning as we grow.

If school is white waters then we are twigs,
Slammed against the corners
Colliding with fish
And latching on for survival.

Perfection isn’t real,
But we are whole,
We obey,
We take notes,
Do hair, smile
Chew, swallow, and repeat
Without question.

One day those mirror thoughts
Tickle a nerve,
Pickle my face
Before my eyes
This scale lies.
I become treadmill mounting
Pinching my sides because I am not enough:
Smart enough,
Strong enough,
Pretty enough,
Thin enough.
Soon I see that I cannot run all day!
That running, even for hours, is not enough.
So I “cut down.”
I am not a tree reaching at nothing,
I am strong branches ripping down the sky.

And I catalog.
Because 1000
No 700
No 500
No 300 calories is still too much.
Because pounds were created to be dropped.
I am screaming inside
Because I can’t lose 3 pounds
And my goal is 97
But I’m lost in the sea,
Somewhere between 100 and 99.

I join the echoes,
The whispered screams
The middle of the night tears
drip-dropping on the keys.
My body is weak,
But I am not alone,
For once.

In this worlds it is easier
To count by two’s
Learn your ABC’s
And lose weight.
Because people judge us by
How we act and how we look,Not by who we are.
Because there is one sure way
to get to heaven:
By smiling on command,
Wearing big sweaters
To hide your bulging tendons,
And losing.

Because without mass…
… there is no gravity

I don't know anymore...

I am grounded which is why I haven't posted for a while. Anyhow I feel
like a failure.
I am not
good
enough.
I had let these thoughts get to me
alternating sweet insults in my head.
I let the ricocheting thoughts
pelt my mind, with it's soft feathery weakness.

I stood proudly as I was, the floor swimming under me, an ocean
I swam in gladly counting downwards
toward GW 1.

I persuaded and disuaded myself from that kind of life, that flavor of desire
The kind that still riddles cacophanies in my cortex.

I wish that I could vanish
relieve my insides of the terrible weightiness
that constantly surrounds me.

The trees are terribly taunting, aren't they? Always reaching up endlessly
dream dream dreaming away.
I used to be them. I used to tickle at my mind with little 'what if's
I used to breathe.

I'm searching for that now. a little puff of air that
(could someone lend me some?)
might bring me back to flightlessness. Back to the feeling of OK

back to the place built of sparkles and tightwires
Does it even exist anymore?

I've missed you all very much. I am miraculously online now (I'm grounded) and I hope to sneak on and write to you all again soon.
xxx
Ever

A Lovely Award

I have just receive this lovely award

From my dear friend Melee!! Thank you dear!! :)

The Conditions:

1. Thank the person who loved you enough to bestow this gift.
2. Share seven things about yourself.
3. Bestow this honor onto 10 newly discovered or followed bloggers– in no particular order– who are fantastic in some way.
4. Drop by and let your ten new friends know you admire them

I have probably over thanked Melee but I'll do it again anyway: THANK YOU!!! (I'm far too happy about this)

My seven things:

1. My blog name is actually just my initials :P Evr (+ and extra E)

2. I have an intense love for chocolate and I over-write about food. Honestly, my friends in my poetry class tease me for my food references >.<

3. I love nature. I used to run around as a little girl scout and memorize paths through the woods. I also love the ocean and snow and summer.... I don't think there is anything about nature that I don't like... except maybe tornados...

4. No matter how a poem begins for me, I always manage to make it sad. I'm actually a very happy person all the time, just my poetry is sad.

5. I'm Obsessed with Sylvia Plath. I love everything she writes and she's just amazing.

6. Before Blogger (B.B.) I was a dedicated Lady Gaga fan. I was all over her website and on twitter and oh, it was a little bit embarrassing. -_-'

7. Those of you whos' blogs are a little less than happy (you know who you are) I Love your blogs. You have the courage to honestly face up to what is in your heart, mind, and body. I am not like you, I tend to hold everything in all the time. Thank you for teaching me to be a little bit more open.

Okay, now for the blogs that I admire!

The Wendy Bird

elsewhere in wilderness

A Gallery of Broken Hearts

Philosophia

the way she feels

Floral Foxes

Let' fly away now♥

remember the birdsong

restless hearts

Unanchored Spirits

You are all so lovely, I hope you like the award!!

Hello dear friends,
It's been a very busy week for me so far! We had ACTs and I think I did alright...
Alot of times I won't comment on your blogs, just for the thrilling anonymity of it. I read them all as much as possible, but I find myself lost in them, inhaling and sinking into your words... Sometimes, I simply have nothing to say.

My favorite time if day is evening. That is when the shadows thin themselves, stretching impossibly tight against the concrete. The sun grows old and golden, it narrows it's eyes on the passing day and quietly dies. It's only sound, only whimper is it's gentle explosion. It throws the ending bits of itself into the clouds and pleads for someone to please, please see and rescue it, but no one does. It dies anyway and we all stop in our tracks, frozen in it's closing eye, and smile at the beauty of it's sorrow...

Sometimes I just have these thoughts, and they are strangely comforting.

I love you all and I am so sorry that all I have is this random ramble for you all! I promise to post something better next time :/
xxx
Love you all!

Sometimes...

...Dears, I feel so alone.
I feel like this now in fact.
We all scramble through this world,
of whispered secrets, and some of us...
Hurt more than others... But you,
beautiful souls,

are so lovely.

You are ballet perfect, pink silk ribbons,
stained with little ink verses
enchanting end rhyme.

You are my alliteration, Every ounce of assonance,

all reckless disregard for my own ideas,

I write for you.
I write for the hurting ones to heal,
(or at least find peace)

I write for your lostness.

I sit and write for hours on end because

You Move Me.

And I feel so very blessed.

New Blog

No, I am not getting rid of this one. I just realized last night how apart our little worlds are and wondered, what if we could connect? We could create in the company of other writers, and help each other grow. We could post our seperate blogs there as well, so that we could bring closer our little worlds. So I created this blog, intractablewhispers.blogspot.com and I hope you will all look at it and seriously consider joining. You are all such amazing, inspiring writers. xxx

I've been picking at loose skin again and I'm almost sick of it. Tired and ill with the gut wrenching feeling of frayed ends, unhealed layers.

I lose myself in wonderlands and lovely thoughts and wonder "Do you, like me, hold close Crystals?"

We are bending, rehearsing, reciting, and encoding. We tell our tales of Blackberrying and Cartoon Physics, readily sharing because any practice is worth that shaking, churning feeling of presenting yourself, bare, beneath spotlights.

All the while the date rolls in When Sagattarius eyes count by 20s and hum in handsome green (forest green, to match winter pines)

He is my best friend, as you know, and he can tell I dislike Alone. For Alone greets me with apathetic grace, and hangs pocket watches in my face.

When at last, I crumble into dusty shores, promise me this: That you'll weave me into daises and spin me into paper I'd love, for just one moment, to be Chopin's sheet or Plath's composition.

Dear Followers and Passerby,
I'm terribly sorry that I haven't been replying pormptly. I'd like to let you know that I save all comments in my email, and that I adore you all.
I'd also like to apologize that my blog has become something of a dreary place, as of late. I'm going through some small heartache right now. It isn't the first and won't be the last time this happens.
I feel like I don't thank you all often enough. Your reading and following is the biggest reason that I now produce two or three poems a day, which is incredible to me.
I think I'll finish with a few fun facts, because life should always include fun facts.
1. My blog used to be called the spoken and it had no followers and too too many loud colors and gadgets that I felt distracted from the writing.
2. My screen name is dervived from my initials EVR. I simply added an 'e' ^^
3. The blog title and url come from an acrosstic that I posted in October: Falling, Floating, Flying. I used Floating as the title because, socially, I float from place to place with no real destination.
4. 90% of the time I am blogging from my cell phone. I really don't go on on the computer much. This explains the lack of comments since Blogger mobile doesn't allow commenting.
5. I am chronically self concious. I look in the mirror and see very differently then what everyone else says I am. I also hide too much behind my verse. There are messages for you, friends, hidden in my posts.
6. This is probably the longest post I have written in my three months.
7. Lastly, the photostream at the bottom of the blog is of my neighbors prize roses. They are beautiful to photograph.
It's supposed to look like the viewer is shrinking.
Thank you all again, so so much,
Ever
xxx